CAWR Coverage of the War with Iraq (CAWR style)
CAWR News Correspondant-We now bring you live to George W. Bush's promo on Saddam Hussein....
George W.- Good evening A-murica. Tonight Saddam has performed his last deed of treachary against our country. I tried diplomacy, but Saddam came out to the ring and gave me the IRAQ BOTTOM as well as "the People's Dictator's Elbow" on Sunday Night Heat and ran out into the crowd to hide amongst the innocent fans before I could in-turn apply the Texas Cloverleaf on him, this is something that I cannot accept, especially with France & Germany's heel turn. We have a saying here in Texas..."Fool me once, shame on you...Fool me twice and...ummm....errr...well...I look at my hand and say "SUCCCKKKAAAA"!!!!!"
Tonight I pick a tag team partner, and that tag team partner is Dick Cheney, the VP, vice prez, or as you all know him H.A.K (The Heart-attack Kid). We challenge Saddam and a partner of his choosing to a match tonight. Saddam, we plan to launch an attack on you, a furious attack. First off, we plan to take out your flying carpet capabilities and the second, we know all about your Genie Bottle Technology....that's ok, because I got my own genie bottle and I made a wish that all your wishes wouldn't count. After we beat Iraq(I-rack), we fully intend to go after their evil supporter Iraq(I-rock), and with the United States and our greatest ally, "America", we will be victorious. In other words...I ain't not no Patriot Del Wilkes, I got drawing power.
I hope Saddam will accept this challenge, myself & Dick stand firm. Good evening and "what cha gonna do, brotha?"
CAWR News Correspondant- Well there you have it folks, strong words coming from Mr. Bush, will Saddam accept this ultimate challenge? Wait a second...this news just in. WWE Superstar Jeff Hardy says that , and I quote "George Bush's 'dick stand firm' comment is SUPER-DUPER OVERSOLD!" end quote. Ok, we've just gotten word that Saddam is ready to speak, we take you to the footage now....
Saddam- This Bush jr thinks he can stand against me? I am the Scorpion King for real, bee-otch! I will accept this challenge and I will easily find a partner to join me in this quest. Survey says? One more for the bad guys! AKU-MACHENTE & UNDA-TAKOO MIATA!
CAWR News Correspondant- Well, it looks as though this battle is on. You know, we've been talking in past weeks about...what? wait a second, excuse me folks, but I've just gotten word that the battle has started...we take you live to the ring now....
CAWR News Correspondant #2- Yes, it appears that Bush is about to come out with Dick Cheney any second now, Yes here's his Entrance music now....
** "Real American" hits**
Yes, there's The President and the vice President waving the flag! The Prez looks jazzed and ready for anything. the Vice Prez is waving the American flag and clutching his chest, but he looks valiant none the less!
Now, it appears as though the lights are diming...yes...and here's the entrance music of the challenger....
**"Bombs Over Baghdad"by Outkast hits**
and there he is, Saddam! wait..Saddam is alone? he's just standind there now
CAWR News Correspondant- Can you make a visual on his tag partner yet?
CAWR News Correspondant #2- Not yet, but...wait...wait a second, hold on, Yes! I see his tag partner! it's, it's "Sabu!". Saddam & Sabu have just stormed the ring! Saddam immediately goes to work on George W. with furious punches, Sabu immediately botches a move on Dick Cheney. Bush catches Saddam off guard and he goes for his patented "BUNKER BOMB!" Saddam reverses and narrowly escapes, this match would've been over if that had've connected! Saddam counters, "FACE FULL OF SCUD, FACE FULL OF SCUD!" Saddam has just hit George W. with the "Face full of Scud", this could be the set-up for the Iraq Bottom. Sabu botches a move on Dick Cheney, Cheney hits Saddam from behind, knocking him down. Sabu is on the floor breathing hard outside the ring. Cheney climbs to the top rope, puts "Finger Missles" to his head...he goes for the "SHOTDICK BOMB!", Saddam moves! OHGHHHH! Cheney lands hard! Now, George W. is recovering. He climbs to the top rope and connects with a Cruise-missle dropkick from the top!!!!
CAWR News Correspondant- Well, this match has certainly gotten out-of-hand and I'd venture to say that Sabu hasn't been much of a factor in ...
CAWR News Correspondant #2- "Fukui-san!"
CAWR News Correspondant- "Yes, go Ohta!"
CAWR News Correspondant #2- "The Challenger says that he prepares to add in a mix of his secret ingredient 'Mustard Gas' ."
CAWR News Correspondant - "Well ,that sounds wonderful!
Asian Tentacle porn actress- "Mmmmm! I cannot wait to try that! My mouth is watering with anticipation."
CAWR News Correspondant #2- "Back to action in the ring, right now, Bush has Saddam in the TORTURE IRAQ and Sabu just botched a move on Dick Cheney. Wait, Saddam no-sells the TORTURE IRAQ and hits Dick Cheney with the HEART PUNCH! George W. goes to the outside, brings in a chair, Saddam kicks the chair, OH MY GOD! "SADDAMINATOR, SADDAMINATOR ON W!" Sabu is still out cold. Saddam goes for the pin on George W...one...two..thr..HE KICKS OUT, BY GOD W IS A HOSS, HE IS HOSS MEAT! PRIME HOSS MEAT! Saddam punches, W. No-sells, Saddam kicks, W. hulks up...Saddam kicks W in the mid-section, and YES, Saddam is going for it, OHHHH! "IRAQKNIFE POWERBOMB "!! wait, George W no sells it! George W then begins a furious flurry of right hands that sends Saddam reeling, then George W clotheslines Saddam out-of-the-ring! Cheney rolls the unconsious Sabu into the ring, Bush picks Sabu up, puts Sabu onto his shoulders while Cheny climbs to the top..OH MY GOD! Cheney with a clothesline off the top...YES , "WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ON SABU!!!!" Bush goes for the pin...one.. two...THREEEEEEEEE! IT'S OVER! BUSH HAS DONE IT!
CAWR News Correspondant - Well there you have it folks, another stunning victory by the champ. Also, this disputes the views of many analysts that a bunch of people in trenchcoats, carrying baseball bats & wearing Saddam masks would drop from the rafters and point the bat at W & Cheney to disrtact them for a run in by France. You've just witnesses history in the making. Good night and see ya next war!
Biggest pop:
-Dick Cheney taking his tank top off
-George W. doing crotchchops
-chicks in the crowd flashing puppies
Biggest heat:
-Saddam's "Mustache rides for $1 Dollar" taunts to the crowd
-Sabu botching moves
-Lillian Garcia singing
Best Crowd Signs:
"Diplomacy is my Jesus"
"WAR IS OIL"
"Cheney-mania"
"George puts the W in NWO"
"I'm taping CNN"
"Hussein Assclown Posse"
"Dick stand Firm"
"Bunker Bombs Own Your Ass"
"Strategery"
"W 3:16"
